Let Me Be Your Guy
by Copper's Mama
Summary: Sam/Andy fic. Sam and Andy get into a heated discussion on their way back from transferring the prisoner in 'Big Nickel'. Please read and review!


_..._

_A Sam/Andy fic. _

_..._

_Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Rookie Blue. _

_..._

_A/N: This one is for Eliscia, who requested that I write it. _

_Sam and Andy get into a heated discussion about her feelings for him, and why she's still with Luke. _

_Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, it was the anniversary of the death of someone I loved very much, and I spent the day remembering him. (I may have channeled a bit of those feelings into this story). _

_I hope you guys like this one, I know I'll love writing it. _

_As always, please read and review, I live for feedback! _

...

The prisoner had been re-apprehended, his transfer had been completed, and they were on their way home. It was a fairly lengthy trip, especially when they hadn't said much in the last half-hour.

The day had started out fairly well: she wanted to be friends, and while he wasn't crazy about that idea, he figured it was better than nothing. So, he'd tried. He thought he'd made a pretty damn good effort, too. They'd joked a bit back and forth, and had a small laugh when she blundered her 'I'm easy' statement. Things had been running pretty smoothly.

And then the prisoner had escaped. He'd used their distraction against them, and had slipped right away. It had been far too long to capture him, especially since he'd been away from Andy when it had happened. His idea - his stupid idea - to split up and cover more ground. Truthfully, it was because he'd blamed himself for the escape, and right then, he'd needed to be as far away from her as possible. Big mistake.

When he'd found them, when he'd seen that sick, miserable, son of a bitch on top of her, he'd literally seen red. He'd lost control of himself in that moment, and if Andy hadn't pulled him off of the man, he just might have killed him. He honestly didn't know if he would have regretted it, either. But, none of that mattered now. That wasn't the reason for their silence, now. No, it came after that. After she'd pulled him away, after she'd stopped him from channeling all of his anger and frustrations onto that man, she'd tugged him around - right against her. His body had been pressed flush against hers, staring into her chocolate eyes as they kneeled together on the grass of the otherwise empty field. Their chests had heaved in succession, mimicking each other's frantic and relieved expressions. He'd stared into her worried face, with her eyes full of concern. Not a single word had passed between them, they'd just crouched there, staring into one another's eyes.

They might still be there now, if the man hadn't grunted in pain, bringing them back to the situation at hand.

He couldn't accurately describe the mass amount of feelings that had flooded him in that moment. To name a few, there was anger, elation, relief, guilt, worry, exhaustion, fear ... so many, too many. He didn't know how he'd managed to haul himself to his feet, so weighed down was he with those many emotions.

They hadn't said a word when they'd returned to the car, other than to let dispatch know that they'd captured the escapee, and were continuing on their route. The only other words that had passed from Sam's lips were the order he'd placed at a drive in before their return trip home.

So, there they were. Sitting in silence, neither of them willing to make the first move.

Clearly, they still had a lot to work out. It was one thing to want to put things behind them, to want things to be okay again. It was one thing to say they were going to be friends, it was another thing entirely to have to actually make it a reality. He didn't know if he could do it.

"Thank you," Andy spoke in a quiet voice, interrupting him from his racing thoughts.

"What?" he asked, not really having heard her.

Andy forced herself to look at him. "Thank you."

His eyes flickered towards her briefly, but the small glance was all that he allowed himself. "It's fine."

Andy shook her head. "No ... I thought he was going to ... but you were there, and you saved me. I know that 'thank you' doesn't really cut it, but it's all I've got."

Sam worried his lips together, his jaw clenching at he struggled to not say what he really wanted to say.

"Are you okay?" Andy asked him.

Sam glanced in his rearview mirror, and after a moment slowed the car down, parking in the shoulder of the highway.

"What is it?" Andy wanted to know, confused as to why he'd stopped.

Sam remained silent, opening his door and climbing out of the car.

Andy's eyes widened, quickly removing her seatbelt and following him. "Sam?" she asked, in a louder voice now that they were outside. The wind and cars made more noise than inside the car, and she almost had to pop her ears to adjust to the change.

He walked into the ditch a little bit before he turned around on her. "No, Andy ... I'm not okay."

Andy looked over him, concern in her eyes. "What, did he hurt you? Are you okay?"

Sam shook his head, his arms crossing defensively over his chest. "No, that's not what I mean. I can't ... I can't do this, Andy."

She blinked, debating whether or not to step closer. "What do you mean?"

"_This,_ he repeated, motioning between them. "I can't be your friend. I can't do _this_, Andy. I can't see some guy on top of you, trying to kill you, and be okay with it. I can't just sit there listening to you thank me, like it's just another day on the job. I can't be your _friend_, Andy ... not like this," he finally admitted.

Andy didn't know what to say. She'd been overly hopeful that she could have it both ways, that she could still have him in her life, even if it wasn't romantic. She just needed some part of him in her life. But that other part of her wouldn't let her let go of Luke, and Luke had no room for Sam in her life. "I don't ... Sam, I don't know how to respond to that."

"Tell me why," he urged, stepping forward. "Tell me why we have to be friends?"

Andy looked away.

"It's 'cause of Callaghan, isn't it?" Sam deducted. A red heat was settling over his body, filling him with an anger that was slowly devouring him from within.

Andy didn't answer.

Sam took her silence for her confirmation. "Why, Andy? Dammit, why are you still ...?" He couldn't finish. He couldn't let himself be that petty. He wanted to. He wanted to scream at her, and tell her how wrong Luke Callaghan was for her, and how he wanted to make her more happy than any man ever could. He wanted to say those words - and so many more - so badly, but he just couldn't make himself do it.

"Why am I still what? Why am I still with him?" she dared to ask. "It's not that simple, Sam."

He breathed heavily through his nose, trying to restrain himself. It wasn't working very well. "Make it that simple, Andy. God, you don't even see it? Or maybe you do, I don't know. Can you really stand there and pretend there's nothing between us?"

Andy looked away. She couldn't deal with this. She couldn't have him asking her these questions ... not when she wanted so badly to throw away all of the promises she'd made, and just throw herself on him. But she couldn't ... she couldn't let herself fall with him. It was a dark tunnel, and she didn't know if there was a light at the end of it. She didn't know what would happen if she gave into Sam. Luke was the safe choice. He was solid, he was a good person. He wasn't always reliable, and he always put his work first ... but he also couldn't break her heart. Sam held the potential to massively destroy her from within, if she let him.

"Please, let's just get back in the car, Sam?" she almost begged. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to put this all behind her ... disregard. Couldn't they just disregard this.

Sam took another step forward. "No. Why, Andy? Why him, and not me? And don't say it's because of the rules, because that's nothing. A stupid technicality. Just tell me, Andy."

She screwed her eyes shut, willing herself away. Maybe if she just didn't answer him, he'd stop asking her.

He wasn't giving up, though. Now that he'd started, he couldn't stop. It was all or nothing. His hands came forward, gripping her shoulders. He watched her eyes snap open, staring into his own eyes, so close to her. "Andy, talk to me."

"Because I don't love him!" she finally shouted.

He stared at her in complete and utter confusion. "I don't ..."

A sob threatened to escape from Andy's mouth, her eyes welling with - as of yet - unshed tears. "He can't hurt me if I don't love him," Andy told him. "He's safe," she admitted.

Sam shook his head, his expression full of disbelief. "Tell me you're joking."

Andy moved her head from side to side, looking down at the ground. It was all too much. So much had happened in such a short time, and she didn't want to deal with it. She wanted to run. She wanted to get back in the squad car and leave all of these damned confessions on the side of the road. "Sam, please, just let it go."

He released one of her shoulders, making her look up at him. "Andy -"

In the absence of running, another emotion took over, and Andy couldn't help herself. She pushed herself away from him, her teary eyes turning hard and heated. "Don't. You have no right to ask me these things. Dammit, Sam, we're not together! It was just one night! One stupid night! And nothing even happened!" she yelled at him, trying to back away. "It was nothing!" she screamed, not realizing that she was trying to convince herself of that fact. "Just let it go!"

Sam watched her, could see the heartache and fury in her face. It killed him to see her like this. He followed her back, trapping her against the side of the car.

She struggled against him, not wanting to give in, not wanting him to make her tell her how she really felt. She couldn't - it was too risky. Her heart was so fragile, she couldn't let him break her. "Don't!" she choked out, trying to get away, trying to break free of his strong arms.

"Andy, stop," he said in as steady a voice as he could manage. "Just stop."

She shook her head, desperate to get away.

Sam pressed himself against her, knowing that if she kept thrashing about, she would do herself more damage than good. He couldn't let her get further hurt on his watch. It was bad enough having to look at the bruise on her neck from where the prisoner had tried to strangle her. No, he wouldn't let her get hurt again, not if he could prevent it. The heat from his body collided with hers, and it was as though someone had lit a fire underneath them. Even in the cool breeze on the highway, neither of them could claim to have a chill.

Andy shook against him, wishing she hadn't said anything in the car. If she'd just kept her mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened. "I'm with Luke," she gritted out. "I'm with Luke." It was almost a chant, as though she were trying to ground herself.

Sam closed his eyes, hating the words, but knowing that he needed to do something to bring her back.

"Andy," he whispered, freeing one of his hands to make her look at him. When her reddened eyes met his, his gaze softened. "I'm sorry."

Her lower lip began to tremble, and she dropped her head back down again. "No," she whispered. "Don't do that."

Sam sighed, dropping his forehead down against the top of her head. They breathed silently against one another for a long moment, and then Sam opened his mouth again. "Don't stay with him ... not if you don't love him." There was no going back now. If he didn't say it now, he knew that he never would.

Andy cringed against him, unwilling to open her eyes. "Don't," she whispered against his chest.

"Why?" he asked her. "Give me one good reason why? I know you feel ... there's something here, Andy. You can't deny that."

She shook her head, but remained silent. "Just give it a chance."

"I can't," she told him, still unwilling to look at him.

Sam hated having this conversation without being able to look at her, but maybe that would have made it harder. "Why not?"

"Because, I lo- ..." she couldn't do it. Andy couldn't let herself speak the words that could cause her so much pain.

Sam's breath caught in his throat, hoping that she was going to say what he wanted her to say. "I do, too," he said finally, knowing that she might not finish if he didn't say it first. "Andy, I -"

She kept shaking her head against his chest, pulling him away from his sentence.

"Why won't you look at me?" he asked her.

"'Cause if I do, I'd have to kiss you," she confessed.

Sam's eyebrows raised at that, and he almost smiled. "And that's a bad thing?"

"Yes," Andy answered.

"Why?"

She sighed against him, her mind reeling. Oh, how she longed for the uncomfortable silence that had filled the car only minutes before. "Because, dammit ... I can't let myself fall for you, Sam. I always do this, I always want the wrong guy, and I get hurt. I can't do it again. I have to be smart," she told him. "I can't let myself ... love you."

He closed his eyes, all traces of any smile gone from his face. If it was anyone else in his arms, he might have just walked away. But he couldn't, not when he was in this far deep. With more strength that he knew he'd possessed, he made her look at him, held her tear-stained cheeks in his hand.

"Sam, no -" she began, but he didn't let her finish.

His mouth sealed over hers quickly, kissing her for all he was worth. She might shove him away, she might hate him forever ... it was a risk he had to take. He couldn't just walk away anymore.

A million panicked thoughts ran through Andy's mind, screaming at her to get out of there. To hitchhike her way home if she had to. But no matter how loud those voices screamed at her, she couldn't make herself pull away from him. She couldn't make herself detach from the wonderful sensations that his kiss stirred within her. When her knees were about to give out, he pulled her tighter against him, making her face soften as she kissed him back.

A few more tears fell from her eyes, coating both of their cheeks with her sadness.

When Sam pulled away, he wiped them off of her face before he did the same to his, using a much more tender touch on her cheek. Before she could open her mouth to tell him that nothing could happen, he spoke. "I know you're afraid. I am too ... I've never done this before, Andy. I've never felt like this. I can't help it, and neither can you. You're afraid that I'm gonna hurt you ... I won't." He dipped his head, making her look at him. "I will never hurt you, Andy. Let me be the right guy."

She sniffled, staring up at him. "You can't promise me that, Sam. You can't know that you'll always feel this way."

"I _know_," he told her, a determined look in his eyes. "Nothing can change how I feel about you. Please ... just let me be the right guy."

Andy closed her eyes. It was too big of a risk. It was too much pressure. It was too much.

Sam had only ever said the actual words to two women in his life: his mother, and his grandmother. No woman had ever been this important to him. He had to tell her, he knew that it might be his last chance. "I love you, Andy," he informed her. "Nothing's going to change that."

She'd never heard such honesty spoken before, and she wanted so badly to believe him. She wanted him to be her guy ... Against everything that her head was telling her, against every defense mechanism that she'd ever put into place to protect her heart, she leaned forward, her lips brushing his tenderly.

He kissed her back with the same gentle pressure, not wanting to rush her. He'd take whatever he could get.

Her brain told her that Luke was the smart choice, that she would be better off with him. He was predictable, he was safe ... she could deal with his absences, because she wouldn't let herself get attached to him. Her brain told her to run away as fast as she could, and never look back, because Sam held the potential for so much damn heartbreak.

But her heart - and her lips - just couldn't quite seem to get the message.

They stayed like that - on the side of the road - for what felt like hours. Just holding each other, anchoring themselves to one another, and basking in the feelings that their touch created. It felt good, it felt right. It was what they both needed.

Andy prayed that she was making the right choice. She knew that she would have to end things with Luke when she got back. She hoped against hope that Sam wouldn't let her down ... she really wanted him to be the right guy.

...

_The end. _

_Well, what did you guys think? Like it, hate it? _

_This came out a bit more intense than I'd intended, but hopefully it'll work. _

_Reviews are appreciated, flame if you must, but constructive criticism is much more useful. _

_Until next time ...! _


End file.
